If you had a social scientist on your shoulder for a day, how many positive interactions would he count between you and your spouse? That could include a good morning kiss, a playful pat on the behind, a kind comment or a hug for washing the laundry. Now, think about how many negative interactions he would count, including rolling eyes or nonverbal communication, as well as complaints, snide remarks, cut downs or any other unhappy interaction.
During a 26-year study, psychologist and author John Gottman, PhD, discovered reasons married couples fail or succeed. It came down to this simple fact: Couples who maintain a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative interactions usually succeed. Those who fall below a one-to one-ratio usually fail.
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Surprisingly, even if the relationship had a lot of other problems, this one fact still held true. For instance, some volatile couples have big fights, followed by equally emotional making up. Other couples tend to avoid conflict. Both can still succeed.
Dr. Gottman explained in his research that the one negative interaction is actually crucial to success, because conflict helps couples clear the air and work out grievances. It creates somewhat of a renewal when the conflict is worked out. It can be unhealthy for couples to hold in their negative opinions
Make it a point to ask your partner about their day, tell them you love them on the phone and give them a hug or kiss when you part. All the little things will add up to a stronger marriage.
Avoid Divorce With 5 to 1 Ratio
Lori Lowe is a writer and communications consultant from Indianapolis. Her blog http://www.lorilowe.wordpress.com encourages couples in their marriages and family relationships. Subscribe today to read a positive voice in your inbox.
INDIANAPOLIS
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